Of how I decided to LEAVE!

It's absolutely amazing when you realize the way of life you have chosen for yourself motivates other people.

It's been a while already since friends and also newly acquainted people started coming to me, calling or sending messages willing to hear my stories, my thoughts. Some are looking for hope and comfort, some feel inspired, some just excited.
They want to know about my motivation for leading a life without possessions and using what I've learned to support  other people. A life in search for freedom and detachment, for learning and understanding aiming at any cost to keep being a human being.

Well, there is a saying in the German language (I believe there must be something equivalent in almost every language) that can be translated like "one can not taste the sweet if he doesn't know how the bitter tastes." So, yeah! I've been there. I've tasted a lot of the bitter. I've been tasting it for many many years. There was so much bitterness at a certain point that I couldn't handle it anymore. It was the time when my mind and my body collapsed and I found myself looking for a reason to keep going, for something to hold on to, desperately. "How can I get out this?" This question used to hit my head uncountable time. As I woke up, at the work, when I was laying awake in the dark. It took me a while till I could find an answer to that question. Actually, if I'm pretty honest, the answer found me. 

I remember that night, another night, laying awake in bed, no sleep at all, in the dark, and then...boom! "I'm leaving!" That sentence was there all of a sudden hitting my head with such a power, repeatedly. "I'm leaving! I'm leaving! I'm leaving!" It sounded scary and at the same time filled me with a wave of hope putting a smile on my face. There I was sitting on my bed in the dark and smiling. I knew what to do and there was no way back. On the next morning, I still remember very well, I was entering every room in my flat, looking at the bunch of crap I've accumulated through all those years and thinking of how to get rid of all that. Because "I'm leaving!" Yes! "I'm leaving!"

From that moment on I couldn't imagine myself without the idea that "I was leaving!" It was everything that I had and the only thing I worked for since that night. I gave away part of my stuff, sold and donated other amount, kept a part of it at a friend's attic, finished the rental contract of my flat and quit my job. Less than a year later I was sitting on a plane with a one way ticket to Kenya.

I was starting over!